I wasn't sure what to write this morning, and then I decided to go with what I know:
My eyes are wonky this morning.
That's right: wonky. This would be the step beyond Daddy Do Eyes. (Which is what we call them in my family and named for my granddad who had puffy eyes from time to time.)
How did this happen? What caused it? Not sure. But they are beyond the beyond and I wish there was a school nurse here to give me an ice pack.